I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
