Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
