There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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