She said her name was "party"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
