just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
