I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Drake has all the answers
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
