just come out here and I will go home with you...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
