My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
