twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
