I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
