i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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