i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
