you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
