areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
