Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Let's paint friendship bongs
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
