I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
