saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
