I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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