My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
