i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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