I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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