This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
