I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
