I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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