i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
