My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
