do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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