is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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