You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
