fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
