Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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