he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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