im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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