you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
