YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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