I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
