I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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