I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
