meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
