Ambien. No doubt about it.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
