No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
