i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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