everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
