Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
