he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
