i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
