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• (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.

  (1-857): View more from Massachusetts

  Doors?

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Her only article of clothing is an American Flag

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.

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