onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
