I am spending my child support on dildos
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
