the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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