i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
