U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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